My Secret

I have a secret to tell.

Well it is not really a secret because anyone who knows me pre-22 will know my secret. Nevertheless, it is still something that I hide in the photo albums, buried in a dark corner of the wardrobe.



There. I've come clean. This is me more than 10 years ago. Don't think I need to tell you how much I tipped the scales at to convince you I was big.

Gosh! Yes I can hear you gasp. Why is she doing this?! (Gasps repeatedly) Gosh!

Masochistic Me was a cute chubby baby whose cheeks adoring adults loved to pinch. As the story always go, the cute chubby baby grew day by day into a not-so-desirably-big pre-teen. Worried about how I might be oppressed by the majority of image conscious people in the world, my mother went on a campaign to make sure I continue to grow horizontally. I would be salivating while my brother wolf down trays and tray of sinfully delightful fast food, packets and packets of savoury and sweet snacks, cups and cups of fizzy drinks. Salivating. Yup, I was salivating all the time. Perhaps that is why when my mother is no longer around to carry on with her campaign, I decided to chomp my way through the delicious fare that has eluded me for the longest time. You know how the story goes.

To cut a long story short, I discovered that my mother was correct. But did I care? Let's just say I really enjoyed the food and the comfort it provided. :D I was Miss Jolly Rolly Polly all the way through Secondary School, J.C. and Uni. Thank god for the lack of TAF Club then. Life was good. Okay, J.C. and Uni life was good. In addition to savouring yummy food, I was also experiencing life as a Drama student.

Life was still good even when a doctor discovered a rapidly growing cyst in my abdomen in the second year of Uni. It was expanding so quickly that I was operated on within a week. As a subsidised patient at a government hospital. That was how concerned the doctors were. The cause of their concern? A beautiful waxy ball of water weighing about 2 kgs. Anyway, with that taken out and having to take really light foods like fish porridge and fish and kai lan soup, the weight slowly came down and I realised I could do a lot more being lighter! I felt stronger too! Oh I was strong when I was obese but being lighter allows the strength to come less effortlessly. Before I know it, I was running and swimming and strength training and really enjoying it! The best days of my life. Intellectually challenged, relaxed and fit. Balanced.

Now, I still love my food. All kinds of food. I also love working up a sweat. I crave for my fruit salad with lemon juice, steamed fish, seafood pasta, chocolates and good ice-cream. I crave for long walks, fun in the sun and strength training. I'll never be thin, a word which definition defers from person to person, and I never want to be thin. All right, who doesn't want toned and cellulite-free limbs and taut abs from time to time. Come on, be honest! I constantly dream about that perfect lipo job that will take the oil bags away from me forever... Oops! Well what's another secret at this point right? But I am enjoying myself indulging in my cravings and maintaining balance.

So why did Masochistic Me exposed herself? She could be disturbed by the number of normally-sized young and older people she comes into contact with who think that they are fat for one reason or another. They go on potentially life-endangering diets to whittle and whip themselves into the ideal shape and size. There are also young people, generally happy with they way they are, suddenly dropped the fat bombshell and enlisted into the TAF Club. Some perform their TAF run and stop eating. Some perform their TAF run and carry on eating like mad. So much for getting healthy.

Maybe people cannot escape from the Thin equals beauty and power or the Acceptable BMI equals healthy, happy people traps. But that's what they are. TRAPS.

To sum it all, what Masochistic Me is trying to say is that anyone can be fat, healthy, balanced and happy! :D