Beautiful Day

Hello 2008!

It's going to be a great year! I feel it in my bones!

I've finally finished my cards and gifts. Hip Hooray! Not at all an easy feat considering how rusty my skills are due to years of high dependency on readily-bought merchandise. Excuse: No time! Well, getting in touch with my creative side of gift-giving is one thing I am glad for due to family budgeting.

This was going to be about the things I am looking forward to this year but the little one awaits his mummy at his grand aunts place so I'll be back!

Whatever it is, I am NOT going to waste time with BACK-TO-School-BLUES!

Neither should any of you affected ones!

Good bye for now and have a beautiful day!

Looking Back at 2007

It is 2 hrs and 10 minutes to 12 midnight.

We have come to the end of another year. Another eventful year with many things happening. There were changes, activities and celebrations taking place throughout the year.

Of all of these, two things affected me deeply: my darling husband leaving for a land far away to pursue a dream and a brighter shared future and my father-in-law's passing, both taking place during the holy month of Ramadhan.

While I got over the husband's absence very quickly, my mother-in-law was badly affected by the death of her husband. Like my husband, sisters and brothers-in-law, I was anxious for her to adjust to life without the person she has spent everyday of 50 years with for I have grown to be very affectionate of this couple who has been always accepting of and generous to their Chinese daughter-in-law. Thankfully, with strong family ties and support, she has since regained her zest for life. This is the power of the family, the very people whom, unfortunately, we all take for granted at one point in time or another.

My mother-in-law is still confined to the house because of the mourning period of 3 months 10 days but is looking forward to the activities planned after she is able to go out of the house. I'm sure my mother-in-law misses her beloved husband, still carries him in her heart and will continue to do so. I too miss my father-in-law's gentle ways, shy smile and rare cheeky grins, especially when I tuck into a good bowl of Tom Yam soup. You guessed it. That's one of the favourite dishes of the kind foodie.

1 hr 25 minutes more to go.

My darling husband is finally home for the holidays and research work, and have finally gotten over his jet-lag after a dose of melatonin. About time, for the little boy of ours was starting to drive me crazy with questions of why his father is busy sleeping all the time. All I can say is it is definitely good to have him back so I'm not going to waste time writing about it. All these rhetoric can continue when he goes back to his books in February.

HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone! 2008 is going to be a great one!

Looking forward to a slower 2008

It happened again.

I woke up two hours ago, my heart pumping like mad, as if I had been running a marathon. Well you would be too if you had been having a dream which got you running up and down steep flights of stairs, catching buses, forgetting the younger brother (who in reality is already 30 years of age), running up and down steep flights of stairs and catching buses again to retrieve him. I am starting to feel breathless again just by talking and thinking about it.

It's just a dream. I hear myself saying. Don't over analyse it.

Of course, of course. Dreams are illogical and most of the time incomprehensible. It would be definitely wise to forget about them and just get on with the waking hours. However, I have a nagging feeling that it will do me good to not ignore mine for I am still able to recall the dreams which woke me up with the same cardiovascular effects within the space of two weeks.

Can't be healthy right? Which is really ironic as what I have been trying to do the past weeks is to get into a state of overall wellness and health for myself and the little one: I am eating lots of vegetables and fruits (and making him do the same); exercising (Creating opportunities for him to run about as much as possible. Cutting down computer use helps! :D); using face and body products like scrubs, masks and moisturisers; getting ample rest;...................................................

AMPLE REST!?!

Okay. I am coming clean here. This is one thing that I find myself struggling with at times. There are just too many things to do! The house to clean, laundry to wash, healthy and tasty meals to cook, cards to make, gifts to create, friends to catch up with, bills to pay, school work to tidy up before school reopens, students to see for O Level Drama ............. There is more to the list.

Why am I not surprised to find my heart racing again?

The problem is: I ENJOY DOING EVERY SINGLE THING I HAVE LISTED!

The solution is: STOP TRYING TO BE SUPER-Person,Mother,Wife,Daughter,Daughter-in-Law,Teacher COS YOU ARE NOT MEANT TO BE!

Easier said than done but you can be sure it is what I will be trying, no!, doing my best to achieve in 2008! For this, I think I can count on my xiao mei mei, new staff room neighbour, friend and colleague for help! Min Er don't forget to keep me balanced on my scales all right? :)

Come on 2008! I'm waiting for you!:D

Poor, Unsuspecting Aunty Sharmilah and the Not-So-Little Adbul Mateen

Yes! I did it! With a little ingenuity, time and effort, I finally managed to sneak asparagus, carrots, potatoes and some other very healthy but definitely not saliva-inducing ingredients into the little boy's food!


The Unsuspecting Boy

Heh heh heh! Looks like poor Aunty Sharmilah is going to lose her little Meat-arian, All-Things-Fried-and-Sweet-arian friend to this mother who is pulling out all stops to detox and healthi-fy her son.

Who-hoo! Sorry Aunty Sharmilah but I am on a quest to bring the little boy to optimum health and nothing is going to stand in my way... Okay maybe some things will continue to thwart my efforts: the little boy's father whose weakness is fried and savoury food; visits to the homes of people who love with the forbidden foods; the little boy's mother's anticipated lack of time and energy to keep up with her guerrilla tactics when school begins; etc...

Well, these things are not going to stop me! Not at all! You can be sure I'll push on against all odds Aunty Sharmilah!

Whooo-hoooo!

.....................................................................................

Okay. I don't know who I am trying to kid.

I am sure Aunty Sharmilah knows that I am, despite my I'll-do-whatever-it-takes appearance, after all a pragmatic person. That means I will never dream of creating chaos and pandemonium by demanding the husband to go junk food-free and requesting the good people to stop their loving-with-food ways.

But Aunty Sharmilah must also know that I am a mother trying to do my best, albeit seeming a bit too over-zealous to other people, for my little boy. So Aunty Sharmilah, just wish me lots of luck will you? And remind me to not tear my hair out should I stumble or fail in my mission.

Thank you Aunty Sharmilah.

Mateen and Mummy

It has been almost 6 years since I tumbled down the snowy slopes of Mount Hutt as a Novice skier with a little thing nestled in my belly. I have not become one apt at the art of ski-ing but the little thing which tumbled together with me has grown into a fine little boy call Abdul Mateen, one and a half months shorts of 5 years of age.

Honestly speaking, I have never been a big fan of babies and little people. Then, Mateen came along and I have since realised what a blessing he is. These 4 years 10 months and 17 days of seeing him discover and make sense of the world around him has been a most fascinating period for me. I find myself growing together with him, learning day by day how important it is for me to be a better person so I can be a better parent. I learnt to listen better, to empathise, to compromise, to be forgiving, to be patient, to be tolerant and to have a sense of humour.

It is indeed an understatement to say that being a parent is really tough. It is so tough that there are times when I wish I am not working so I can devote all my energies to being a good mother. But then there are also times when I appreciate the richness of my life as it is, the balancing act I do everyday which keeps me on my toes and never taking anything for granted.

With 2 weeks left of this holiday, I am determined to spend time meaningfully with this little boy who sometimes have the knack to appear so mature that I forget that he is after all still an active, energetic and growing 4 year old who needs proper nourishment, physical activity, intellectual stimulation and a huge dollop of LOVE. So far, I managed to bring him to the playground and watched on as he learnt to negotiate with other children in an informal, non-adult-structured setting. I also managed to trick him into eating vegetables and persuaded him to eat more healthily. (Guerilla tactics, said his father. Well, whatever works! It will definitely take some strategising to keep up with this when school starts and he goes back to Nenek's house.) Some other "achievements" include the cutting down of computer days from 2 to 1, visiting the library and borrowing books other than comics, walking and taking public transport, "working out" at the children's garden and limiting daily sweets intake.

It will be a challenge to keep up with all these things but as a mother set on giving the best she can to her little boy, you can be sure I'll do my darnest best! Wish me luck, cunning and tenacity for I'll need them!


Untitled by Abdul Mateen. Novemmber 2007

Three Months Is A Long, Long Time

3 months ago, this woman's husband left for Northern Ireland to begin life as a student again. The day after he left was one of the worst days of this woman's life. She moved around the entire day with her eyes glazed-over, shoulders hunched and limbs watery. Everything she saw, heard, felt, thought and spoke, she did so from behind a layer of thick, thick fog. Nothing was able to lift her spirits.

She was definitely more depressed and affected then she had imagined she would be for she had been the one who encouraged her husband's pursue of scholarship. What made her even more depressed was that she hated the way depression wastes time! Se often thought and declared:

Why dwell on the inevitable and unchangeable when more often then not we have the power to make things better or even happen the way we want them to be?

Great. She was not only depressed, she also hated how she was not able to extract herself from the grip of the depression monster that she knew then has a place inside her. Just then, another sneaky thought poked her from behind: Was she not able to fend for herself and take care of the family after years of having someone handle mundane and boring things like paying the bills on time, maintaining the budget, servicing the car... Definitely not something she wanted to ponder over at that time given her weakened state of mind.

That night, this woman who misses her husband and her little boy who misses his papa hug one another to sleep.

Fortunately, she was only depressed like that for that one day. The many days that follow saw the woman busying herself with work, family and self matters that she forgot to be depressed. She was probably at her most introspective and productive. She worked hard at keeping the house spic and span; worked hard at being a good mother, wife, daughter, grand-daughter, niece, sister, daughter, daughter-in-law and sister-in-law; worked hard at becoming a better person; and worked hard at work as usual. She also made an important discovery. A rediscovery come to think of it. She rediscovered her voice and courage one day at work and has never since looked back.

Despite the busy-ness, she continued to miss her husband. Thank God for SKYPE! It is amazing how someone so far away can seem so close. The equipment instrumental for tearing people apart is also an instrument to bring people together.

Finally. Her husband is coming back for the holidays after 3 months. You can be sure this woman is over the moon with joy! She had already gotten the already-in-order house in order (with help of course!), bought all kinds of local fruits her husband enjoys and will be preparing a yummy, steamy hot meal of fish curry and mango sticky rice dessert for dinner.

Yes, she will be working hard again tomorrow and she will be very, very happy.

ADDICTION

I think I'm addicted!

There a so many things I feel compelled to write about:
- thoughts on parenthood, the little one's diet
- my responsibility in keeping the Earth a wee bit more healthy
- strating a detox programme
- the absolutely GORGEOUS production of Y Gret by Cake Theatre.

But they'll have to wait.

Later.

Back from Chiang Mai

We are finally back from Chiang Mai. It was a most exhausting but interesting trip.

Though I had been to Chiang Mai 6 years ago, this trip was a totally different experience. For one, I was travelling with two other adults and my little one (who unfortunately came down with fever and diarrhea the last two days of the trip). While the last trip was a leisurely D-I-Y, pseudo back-packing one (pseudo cos I had bags and bags of shopping every time I returned to my accommodation. I even had the assistant from the Thai Silk factory come to my room for me to fit the Thai silk ensemble that I ordered!), this one has been a whirl-wind of a holiday, with us trudging to the coach as early as 645 am one morning and only returning close to 12 midnight. So many things happened so fast that there was not time and space to really breathe, much less to think. Perhaps that is what I really needed: to not think; to give my overworked brain a much deserved break. Let someone else do the planning, the talking, the thinking.

Sit back, relax and breathe...
Helps that Chiang Mai is relatively free from pollution and our tour guide is really friendly and funny.

But why then did I feel this nagging strange-ness nibbling away at me, almost undetectable but definitely unsettling, every single hectic day?

Perhaps what I really needed was more sleep and not days of chasing one tourist attraction after another.

Or perhaps I needed to be alone. I mean all by myself. Alone. No friends. No little one.

I never got to answer the question as I was too busy doing what the good tourist does: eating, shopping, take photos, eating, shopping, take some more photos... Don't get me wrong! These touristy things are pleasurable! Shopping is good and cheap (not by Thai standards though), food was Halal and very yummy and the photos we took were nice. My two other travel mates were also really cool and helpful.

Maybe I don't know a good experience when I meet one.

Nevertheless, I played the role of your regular, well-behaved tourist for the most part of the trip, boarding the coach on time (with only one exception), visiting every factory and being cordial towards other tourist in the group of 31. Then on day four, the little one developed a bad stomach and felt feverish. He slept a lot and I ended up skipping the tourist attractions lined up for the day.

That night back at the hotel, he was convinced as usual, being extremely distrustful of doctors and medicines, to take lots of fluids and none of the rich and sweet foods he so loves. Another incentive for him to get well was the lure of the hotel pool which he had eyed since day one but had no time to enjoy. So he rested and probably willed himself well. Thank god for the free-and-easy day five! No longer obligated to hurry from the bed to the coach and trapped within its confines, we were able to enjoy a leisurely breakfast and a dip with many splashes in the blue of the pool despite the still rumbling tummy.

At this point in time, I don't know where I'm heading with this. I suppose I'm thinking out loud, figuring things out.

Sorry if I had somehow led you to expect a neat conclusion, or maybe even revelation. Sorry for the cop-out way this has to end for I think my brain must cease to function for the day.

A very good morning to you too.